New Year Thoughts

Where did 2012 go? I have often wondered at how fast the years fly by as I get older. But this past year has seriously gone by in warp speed, leaving me struggling for breath and energy as the new year begins. I heard someone say that they were having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit because it seemed like we had just celebrated Christmas a couple of months ago.

I can relate.

The past year was jammed crammed full of new things: new state; new house; new community; new jobs; new church; new friends at work, church, and writing group; new clients for editing; new contracts for books. Exciting and scary at the same time. And some of the things I’d done for several years were more difficult to keep up with.

Like blogging. J

Early in September I had an offer to do a work-for-hire devotional project for Barbour Publishing, and I accepted, thinking I had plenty of time to work on it and on Calming the Storm Within. Especially as I didn’t have a specific deadline for the latter. Well, I didn’t think I did. But when the contract came for Calming a month later, my agent and I had misunderstood the editor in a conversation that took place in August. She was hoping the manuscript was ready to turn in, so it could be released as soon as possible.

Of course my people-pleasing gene stepped to the forefront and I promised a print-ready manuscript in a week. Then that pesky perfectionism raised its ugly head and proclaimed the manuscript totally unusable in its present form. My agent and the editor, among others, said to ignore those and take what time I needed to complete the manuscript well. But I still raced to finish the book—before Thanksgiving, then before the middle of December, then before Christmas, and . . . well you get the picture.

Because of the content—the subtitle is tentatively God’s Peace in Depression and Anxiety—I expected spiritual warfare. And got it. I asked for prayer on Facebook and at church. And got it. The ones who are reading it for content and grammar, punctuation, etc., have given me great feedback including how powerful it is. Which  ramped up the people-pleasing/perfectionism to new levels. Sigh.

The week before Christmas I started to fall apart—emotionally and physically. Through the weeks of writing, I prayed daily for the Lord’s direction and strength. And He gave it. But not as fast as I expected/wanted. Each day was a struggle between me, my flesh, the enemy . . . and the Lord.

Finally, the Lord got my attention during one of my morning quiet times. He reminded me once gain that His thoughts are not my thoughts; His ways don’t follow my expectations; and His timing is perfect. Nothing I was doing could change those facts. Once again I realized that many of my struggles weren’t because of the enemy—they resulted from my own attempts to speed up His timing. And that had me fearing failure to please my editor and to produce a publishable book.

But the truth is I wasn’t ready to write the last two chapters in the book. Nor was I ready to relax and enjoy the reason for Christmas as I was seeing it as more a bump in the road, a distraction.

Don’t get me wrong. I desperately wanted to see my kids again, as I hadn’t seen them in person since May. And I desperately wanted it all to be perfect, without having to rush back for Roger to be at work (no vacation days) or having the book still to complete. The warring desires left me frustrated and confused.

However, the Lord had a different lesson for me to learn. He reminded me that He was still in control; He was still working all things together for my good and His glory; and He didn’t see the task of finishing two books in the next three weeks as impossible. My part was to relax, to still my spirit, and allow Him to be God.

He kept bringing to mind Mary, the mother of Jesus. When the angel told her she’d been chosen to give birth to the Son of God, the promised Messiah, she didn’t hesitate before saying, “May it be to me as you have said.” In spite of the obvious struggles she would have, she chose to submit herself to God’s control, and she trusted Him to go before her to smooth her way. Was it easy for her? No. But she remained submissive to His will and to His timing.

God reminded me that my only responsibility was to trust Him. No matter what obstacles appeared in my path; no matter what opposition I faced; no matter what. Period. Trust and obey.  And for Christmas week, I was supposed to put the book aside and concentrate on worshiping Him and having a great time with my family.

One more lesson in learning to be content with what He has given me. Especially when it wasn’t what I expected or thought I desired.

We had a wonderful Christmas, celebrating with my sister’s family in Nebraska. Kathy flew in from London, Randy and Nikki drove over from Colorado, and we drove up from Missouri. This year my brother and sister-in-law were unable to make it as they are full-time caregivers for her parents. But we were able to Skype with them—so thankful for the technology that allows for us to share moments like this.

When we returned to Missouri, I expected the Lord to tell me it was time to get back to work on Calming. (I really need to get those “expectations” under control!) But He didn’t. Instead He had me work on the book-for-hire project and bringing my prayer journals up-to-date on my electronic copies.

My birthday is New Year’s Eve, and I like to take that day or several days to reflect on the past year’s events and my personal spiritual progress. That leads into the upcoming year and what goals I believe the Lord would have me pursue. I don’t really make resolutions, but a brand-new year presents a blank slate that is waiting to be filled. Some of the events are already in place—like the releases of my first nonfiction book, Calming the Storm Within; my first fiction in April, A Shelter from the Storm in Sundays in Fredericksburg (TX); and the book-for-hire project, Encouraging Words for Women: Hope. Along with that comes a lot of marketing and promotion in various venues. Some is already in place.

At the end of November, my new author website went live. It combines my writing and editing services, and it will soon include a new blog and resource page for Calming the Storm Within. You can see it at www.marjorievawter.com. Many, many thanks to my friends Bonnie Calhoun, and Jon and Bruce at SKWD Ministries who made it happen!

I will soon have an author page on Facebook to go along with my personal page. And I hope to learn how to use Twitter more effectively in the next few months. So I have plenty to keep me busy in the months ahead. So many new things, new experiences. More opportunities to trust the Lord to provide and work in His timing and in His way.

The old year is past . . . the new is before me.   

And God is still the God of the impossible. Working His will and His plans and purposes for me, in me, and through me.

“Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.” (Philippians 3:13–14 msg)

Trusting God—One Step at a Time

Be strong and of good courage . . . fear not, nor be dismayed; for the Lord God, even my God, will be with thee; He will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
1 Chronicles 28:20

This and several other verses in my quiet time this morning, dealt with courageously moving forward into the New Year. And my birthday yesterday (December 31) always lends itself to reflection on the past year.

My word from the Lord for 2010 was trust. Learning about trust more has shown me how closely related trust is to surrender, the word for 2009.

True surrender involves casting all my care on the Lord and leaving it there. Hannah Whitall Smith describes absolute surrender like this: “You must not think of it or brood over it, but must dismiss it from your mind altogether, except whatever degree is necessary for proper self-care.”

When I came across that statement when doing research for a devotional project for Barbour Books (Shared Hope: Inspiration for a Woman’s Soul, releasing February 1, 2011), I was facing the biggest struggle of my life requiring me to surrender someone very dear to me completely to the Lord. I was brooding over the situation, and the loved one. I had shed tears of grief and even guilt, feeling like I had failed. I thought I’d surrendered it before, but when I read this sentence, I realized how much I was still clinging to my desires, trying to maintain control of people and situations.

What peace came over me when I confessed my control issue and totally surrendered the situation and the person to Him.

Then the Lord revealed trust as His word for me this year. He’s taken me on a somewhat different journey this year. Another situation out of my control. And instead of getting better, as of course I wanted, it continues to worsen. Every time I think I’m learning what it means to trust, the Lord takes me deeper. And this is good.

We all know the Lord has a sense of humor in the midst of conforming His children into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. Believe me, I’ve caught both the humor and the irony in His leading me to choose an elective class on Wednesday nights at my church. In this class we’re studied a book entitled Running Scared by Edward T. Welch. My pastor led the discussion as we worked through the book. While we finished the class before Christmas, it isn’t the end of my needing to reread the book and continue to grasp the biblical principles the author teaches.

In learning to identify and deal with my fears, which are many, I’ve learned better to analyze myself—my motives and my desires—in light of who God is and what He desires for me. And it has challenged me to examine whom I believe—me influenced by the flesh, the world, and Satan, or God, the sovereign ruler over all creation.

But what truly got my attention was my study in the last two weeks of the class. One chapter took us to an examination of Romans 6, a passage I memorized nearly twenty years ago when the Lord used Romans 6 through 8 in bringing me out of a severe clinical depression.

The passage declares that when Christ died, I died. When Christ rose from the dead, I, too, was raised. Not to walk in my own way, but to walk in God’s way. If I died with Christ, then I am dead to sin. It no longer has power over me. It’s still there, but it only has power when I give it permission. Paul exhorts believers in this chapter to consider ourselves dead to sin and alive to God. It’s the only way we can live surrendered to and trusting completely in Him.

The reminder that I’m dead to the desires of the flesh helped me realize that many times I’m trusting in a dead person—one who can do nothing! I am dead. What can I expect from myself that will help deliver me in any situation? I’m only alive spiritually because of Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection and my belief and trust in Him alone for eternal salvation. So it only makes sense for me to put my trust in the One who paid such a price for me. He has never failed, nor will He.

As I was going over my notes from the final chapters, the Lord reminded me of ways He had taken my fears from me in the past. The biggie: my fear of speaking in front of people, either strangers or those I knew well.

Did you know that public speaking is very high on the list of fears people have?

I was so shy I barely passed the required two semesters of freshman speech classes in college. I knew the Lord had called me to teach, and I was obedient to that call in pursuing training in that field.

But I chose elementary education rather than my first love of English and literature. The Lord still used it for good and slowly started teaching me to trust Him to open the doors where He would have me teach. Today, I’ve taught children and young people from first grade up through seniors in high school (Spanish, English, and literature) to teaching a ladies Sunday school class, leading Bible studies, and even speaking to women’s groups. That isn’t me. I’m still that shy person inside. That was the Lord. And I love it.

After reminding me of this, He asked me, “So why can’t you trust Me with your lesser fears?” Um, good question. Why can’t I?

Because I want to control my life, my way. Even though I stink at it. My control in certain areas has led to near disaster. To what now looks like an impossible situation.

Yet God says, “I am the God of the impossible.”

I’ve also learned that I tend to live in the future. And I worry and fear about what might happen. No one but God knows the future. So why do I fret and fear? God is in control. My calling right now is to live one step at a time, trusting my present and my future to the God who is sovereign, the God who is enough, the God who has already made me a conqueror because of His amazing love that caused Him to send His Son to die so that I could have fellowship with Him.

So I’m committing myself to “Trust God and do the next thing” (Elizabeth Elliot). It’s still in the early days of this, but instead of looking at the big picture of what the future holds, I’m asking the Lord to show me what I am to do today, this hour, this moment. And when I complete that task, I ask Him for the next task, trusting that His plan is being worked out in me, one step at a time.

And you know what? It’s okay that I can’t see what’s ahead. The more I grasp the concept of trusting God one step at a time, the more I realize how freeing that is. It breaks the chains of fear and anxiety, and I can know the peace of God that passes all understanding.

And my word for 2011? Confidence. Which is just another step in surrender and trust. God is good . . . all the time!

Got any rivers you think are uncrossable?

Got any mountains you can’t tunnel through?

God specializes in things though impossible.

He does the things others cannot do.

(Oscar C. Eliason)

ACFW Colorado, The Inkwell Blog

I blogged today on "Out with the Old, In with the New" at the ACFW Colorado Inkwell. Check it out.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Sitting in my recliner watching the Rose Bowl Parade, I can hardly believe we are at the beginning of another year. I love the prospect of a year untarnished, full of hope.

This year I'm committing to read through the Bible, something I've not done for a long time. While the New American Standard is my version of choice, usually, I've chosen the New Living Translation to read this year. This will force me to slow down and pay attention to what I'm reading. Out of the many reading plans I looked at, I chose the blended reading schedule from Back to the Bible. I'm inviting you to read with me this year, so I'll post the daily reading schedule each day.

(That will make me post every day, too!)

Today's reading: Genesis 1–3, Romans 1s

Verse for today: Philippians 3:10–14

That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death;

in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

May you all have a blessed and prosperous New Year!