Parallel Construction, 3

For the preliminary discussion and examples on this topic, please go to these links:
http://marjorievawter.blogspot.com/2008/01/parallel-construction-1.html and http://marjorievawter.blogspot.com/2008/01/parallel-construction-2.html

Quick review: Faulty parallelism is a clumsy sentence or paragraph that doesn’t mesh with the words, phrases, or sentences around it. Grammatically the writer is jumping from one type of construction to another.

We’ve already looked at several examples of faulty construction and the reasons they were faulty. Let’s look at a few more today*:

The consultant objected to the proposal, saying that the costs would be exorbitant and because the training facilities were insufficient.

Simple fix: The word because is the problem here. It doesn’t match the first clause beginning with that. The sentence can be reworded in two ways: The consultant objected to the proposal, saying that the costs would be exorbitant and that the training facilities were insufficient. Or The consultant objected to the proposal, saying that the costs would be exorbitant and the training facilities were insufficient. (The second that is inferred and therefore not necessary, so the second sentence is preferred.)


It may be necessary to either add or subtract items from this list.

Add needs a different preposition following it. We can’t add from a list, but we can add to it. So . . . It may be necessary to either add to or subtract items from this list.


Courses are offered in spring, summer, and in fall.

The same preposition works for all three seasons: in spring, in summer, and in fall. So either add it to all the elements in the series, or use it once at the beginning of the series: in spring, summer, and fall. The second way is preferred for tighter writing. *smile*


The revised plan called for lower salaries, operating budgets, and longer hours.

Here’s another sentence that can be fixed in one of two ways. The way the sentence is now, it’s hard to tell if the adjective lower is also referring to the operating budgets or not, since hours has a different adjective. Two ways to fix the sentence with lower as the adjective for the first two elements: The revised plan called for lower salaries, operating budgets, and longer hours. Or The revised plan called for lower salaries and operating budgets, and longer hours.

However if another adjective is meant, then try revising this sentence like this: The revised plan called for lower salaries, better operating budgets, and longer hours.


Writers who work on a freelance basis don’t get steady paychecks, but one has the advantage of extra tax breaks.

The nouns in this sentence aren’t parallel: plural writers to singular one. Try: Writers who work on a freelance basis don’t get steady paychecks, but they have the advantage of extra tax breaks. Or As a freelance writer, one doesn’t get steady paychecks, but one has the advantage of extra tax breaks.


Participants should sign in by noon and pick up your registration materials at the front desk.

This sentence switches from third person point of view to second person. So change it so both portions use the same POV. Participants should sign in by noon and pick up their registration materials at the front desk. Or Sign in by noon and pick up your registration materials at the front desk.

*I’m taking these examples from Grammatically Correct by Anne Stillman.

I’ll have six more examples and explanations to finish up our discussion one day next week.


Daily Bible reading: Isaiah 41–42; Mark 10:32–52